Drama: How to Improve Your Stream Viewership And Start Making Money: A 5-Step Guide for Guaranteed Success

This is one of those articles that sound funny, and then you write it and it just makes you sad. I totally stand by this guide as the best way to have success, but I obviously can't endorse using bots. It's deceptive and wrong. I even got some nagative feedback on this article because it seemed "too much like real advice" in addition to throwing in the bots. I guess that's just The Way Things Are.

This article was initially published in The Weekly All In #40.

Drama of the Week: How to Improve Your Stream Viewership And Start Making Money: A 5-Step Guide for Guaranteed Success

By: Mike Harrell

Twitch.tv, Azubu, DingIt, and that YouTube thing, as time goes on, more and more streaming platforms are launching and gaining viewers. There’s never been a better time to start your very own stream or to improve the stream that you already have!

As it’s the start of the new year, The Weekly All In is pleased to provide its readers with a fool-proof guide to drastically improving streaming viewership and monetary gains. The guide is short and simple, but you must follow it exactly. If there is any deviation from the guide, we cannot guarantee results. Also, it’s worth noting that the guide will work best if you have no personal or financial responsibilities.

Step #1: Set A Schedule During Prime Viewership Hours.

Peak hours on Twitch.tv are generally from 9am to 2pm (Pacific), with the middle of the week and the weekend getting the most views. Therefore, your stream must be up during those times. Set a public, posted schedule on your page.

Step #2: Interact With Your Viewers.

This is where you really get to shine as an entertainer. Provide commentary on your play, even if it isn’t particularly insightful. Make jokes. Tell stories. Pit viewers against each other or other streamers. Be active on social media. Whatever you want. It doesn’t matter if your viewers are idiots; you just need to give them a reason to watch.

Step #3: Monetize That Sucker.

Get allllllll the money things in there. Put a donation link on your stream. Have a robot read viewer messages attached to donations. Make donation goals that conclude in you dressing up sexy (this works better for women, but men have done it too). Make a great big list of people that donate, including hearts and winky faces by their names. ANYTHING that you think may motivate someone to send money your way, do it.

Step #4: Win Games

The real bane of all streamers: It helps if you’re good. That’s what will really, really keep people coming back: to see you win. Do whatever you have to do. It doesn’t matter if you’re smurfing all day every day at first, even for years, as long as you’re winning, people will watch. Once you actually get good, it won’t matter how long it took to get there.

Step #5: Use Bots

Now for the easy part: Use Bots. Hit up twitchviewbot.net, streambot.com, or viewbot.net, pick the package with the most viewers, and get it started. Don’t bother with “free” bots. It’ll be a scam and/or a huge pain the in butt.

Step #5 Part B: Really. Use Bots.

There are probably dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of other channels exactly like yours. How will you get more visibility? You need viewer numbers. How do you get that first big boost of viewers? Easily! Just use bots! No one on Twitch.tv has ever gone down due to botting. There is literally no downside. Sure, people may make fun of you, but you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank. Once you get that Twitch partnership, who cares what a bunch of freaks on Reddit say, anyway?

Step #5 Part C: Never, Ever, Acknowledge Using Bots

There is only one way that the public at large will ever know that you’re using view and chat bots: If you tell them so. Therefore, all you have to do is just never tell anyone. You can hide behind the possibility that someone else is sending bots to your stream in an attempt to make you look bad (LOL!). That would, of course, never happen. Bots cost money, and blowhards on the internet don’t pay for anything, much less pay for a month of Twitch Bots to troll streamers. Get out of here!

Step #5 Part D: Never Stop Botting

The naysayers and the accusers may scream, provide “proof” of your wrongdoing, and condemn you to the lowest circles of Hell, but that’s just free advertising. As long as you never admit to using bots, and never stop using them, you can always maintain the illusion of a “loyal following” that will keep you at, or near, the top position of your game. If you maintain your schedule, no one can ever prove that your bots aren’t your loyal viewers, tuning in just in time. It’s a perfect system.

As time goes on, real fans will begin to arrive and even stick around, and the longer you continue streaming consistently, the more of a staple of the community you become. Just remember: Reputation doesn’t matter. Numbers matter. If you’re getting viewers and getting money, you’re a successful pro streamer!

Streaming again!

Get this, I've streamed SC2 twice in two days! BOOYAH!!!

It's been a very busy few months, and my company is in crunch time for CES still (I worked ~70 hours last week), so I haven't had much time for uninterrupted gaming. But I should be getting back into it in the next few weeks. Maybe I'll even make it into Gold league in Starcraft. How exciting would that be? I played several games as Terran because I like their music so much. But I sucked at it and started BM'ing people when they started to do offensive GG's. Rude! Sticking with dat Protoss!

To make things official, HBA: Live is no longer a regular feature on the stream. I'll probably be sticking to esport games. like Starcraft, Hearthstone, and Counter Strike: Global Offensive. Spoiler alert, I'm not actually very good at any of them, and I've not been inclined to drop a few hundred bucks on the new set of cards in Hearthstone. Either way, I'll probably just be streaming whatever I'm feeling like at the time, and try not to drop games because I have to go change a diaper or rescue my wife for copious amounts of infant vomit. At least not too many.

On a sidenote, Heroes of the Storm just isn't that fun yet. I want to spend money every time I open it up, but I have no desire to play it. I know that's totally random, but it just doesn't do it for me. I played yesterday on stream and I just didn't have any fun. DOTA is still my go to MOBA game. Sorry Blizz.

Heroes of the Storm: A First Look

At the time of this writing, Valve has raised over $7 million to be paid out as prize money for one single eSports tournament, the DOTA 2 International Championships 2014. It has also been a $21 million payday for Valve for minimal work. They have done so by selling the "Compendium", a digital companion book to the tournament. If a player buys it, they can make predictions for the tournament for prizes, vote on two all-star teams, and get in-game items and boosts. This is in addition to the warm and fuzzy feeling you get every time you contribute to eSports. It costs $10, 25% of which goes to the tournament prize pool and 75% goes into Valve's pocket. Furthermore, it's only been out for a couple weeks now and will continue to sell until the end of July, when the tournament ends. Marketing level: Genius. (Sidenote: Did I buy one? Absolutely!)

In an attempt to start getting in on those MOBA/Hero Brawler dollars, Blizzard has finally released a Technical Alpha of their entry to the genre: Heroes of the Storm. (Note: I posted a trailer of it back when it was still called Blizzard All-Stars, literally two years ago. see new trailer here.) By Technical Alpha, they mean the game is playable but there are still lots and lots of changes coming, large and small. Also, you can already give them your real money to unlock characters and items that will later be re-locked (and your money refunded). Heaven forbid they don't get that feature in ASAP.

Anyway, I've played it. I like it! My favorite things about it so far are the things that really make it different from other MOBAs. I like that the games are short. I like that the maps are varied. And I like that the heroes are recognizable to me. However, there are shortcomings, too. Lots of those.

Game Length: If I sit down to play a game of Starcraft, we're looking at a possibility of a 45-minute game. Probably only 15 to 25, sure, but it really could go as long as three-quarter of an hour. Or even an entire hour. A game of DOTA 2? Forty-five minutes, EASY. You have to plan on that before you start a match. It could run as long as an hour, maybe longer, but probably not. I have never had a game of Heroes of the Storm take 25 minutes. Boom. Quick and easy. I love that.

On the flipside, however, each victory or defeat feels very insignificant. But my instincts aren't telling me it's because of the time commitment; it's just a matter of scale. A game of Heroes of the Storm does not feel grand or epic. It just feels like a quick little game. Maybe that's because it's a lot easier to tell if you're ahead or behind in HotS than it is in Starcraft or DOTA. But there's something going on there. And it's ruining it for me a bit.

Maps: So far there are four (maybe five) different arenas (chosen randomly when you queue up), each with a different layout and a major map-specific mechanic in addition to your standard MOBA creeps/towers/lanes. The mechanics all revolve around either collecting something or trying to hold a location, resulting in a nice boost of some kind over your opponent (see in-text image). This kind of activity encourages more frequent teamfights, forcing the players to get up in each other's faces. If you try to ignore the mechanic, your team will undoubtedly lose, so there's even more encouragement. Additionally, these maps are much smaller than your DOTA or LoL maps. This also encourages teamfights, but not in an exciting way. It's in more of a you simply can't go anywhere without bumping into someone else kind of way. Not fun.

Heroes: When I play a game of DOTA, I think in these terms: "Oh! This character is based on [so and so] from Warcraft" (see here). Many, many characters are like this. It's understandable given the game's history, but it's still always in the back on my mind. In Heroes of the Storm, I get to play as the ACTUAL characters! It is extremely satisfying. The selection is currently rather low. And it isn't helping that Blizzard has decided to go the LoL monetization route (pay to unlock heroes) rather than the amazingly-awesome-community-contribution-driven way of DOTA (all heroes unlocked, pay for community-made customizable cosmetics). That means you can't even play as whoever you like at any given time (although you can try all heroes once before you have to buy them) with the exception of a rotating "Free Heroes of the Week" deal. So, that kind of sucks. But that could always change with time. I hope it does.

All in all, I'm very glad I get to be in the Alpha and be part of the process. I am very optimistic, but Blizzard has a long way to go to get this game up to a caliber that will compete with League of Legends or DOTA. I'm going to keep an eye on it and keep playing when there's a new update, but in the meantime I'm sticking with DOTA 2 when I have a MOBA itch to scratch.

Unless I'm short on time, of course.



See the show below!

Humble Bundle Acquisitions: Hammerwatch

Hammerfall? Hammerfell? Hammertime? Hammerwatch! Okay, I'm just going to level with you here. I don't feel like I played this game to really make a good judgement. It's a multiplayer Diablo-style game except that all gear and leveling has been reduced down to coin gathering and spending. I was enjoying it for the most part, and then I realized that it was time to end the show after what felt like five minutes. One of THOSE kinds of games.

It's definitely worth checking out. And it's super cheap. Win-win!

See show below!

Humble Bundle Acquisition: Orcs Must Die! 2

Orcs Must Die! 2 appears to be one-third to one-quarter as fun as it looks on paper. It's a tower defense game. You play as a War Mage guy or a Sorceress lady (and more that unlock over time) that runs around summoning towers and shooting orcs in the face when you get the chance. The music is pretty catchy and the traps are very diverse. A good time, right? Eh, not really.

It's hard to explain, but I was just bored for most of the game. All progression comes in the form of unlocking levels and collecting gold during those levels. That's fine enough for towers, but I'm playing a character! Why doesn't he level up? Why can't he get collect gear? Why aren't there character-specific traps and abilities? Sure, the little soundbites and the victory dances at the end of the level are great (especially the dances, that was an awesome surprise), but that doesn't actually motivate me to keep playing. This game came out after Dungeon Defenders which has all of those things and more, why isn't there any innovation?

Everything else is fine enough, but I wouldn't recommend that someone go out and grab this game. I'm sure the game is a bit more exciting once multiplayer kicks in, but what, really, is the point? They'll be just like you! Just more of the same. I'll have to check out the original Orcs Must Die sometime, but that may be a while.

Check out the show below!

Humble Bundle Acquisition: Jamestown

Finally. Finally, finally, finally getting to write a blog post for this game.

Jamestown is a historical fiction bullet hell flight sim that combines the legendary adventure of the American frontier in the 1600's with steam-punk flying ships, trains, and cyborgs. Unfortunately the Spanish have allied with the malevolent Martians, causing only more problems for the English settlers. I know what you're asking yourself: How could this NOT be amazing?

The answer is that it IS amazing! Fast paced. Scary bosses. Awesome music. There's just so much to love. There aren't very many levels, but there are many difficulties, ships, as well as challenges to keep you busy. Also there's a DLC that I do no own, so I guess I can't vouch for it. But I do know that this was one of the games that really sold the indie game movement for me. The premise is just so weird. It's short. It's inexpensive. It would never have been made by a major company. Yet here it is, and I love it.

See play through below

Increasing Legitimacy!

Turns out there's a thing I do not enjoy. It's creating logos and branding media. Seriously. Totally not into it. However, as a result of my labors my stream looks way better. And I made this awesome logo! It looks like that Photoshop class I took in 9th grade is still paying off! The production value on the stream is going to look much, much better. Additionally, I started up a Facebook page for the site/stream/stuff. So I'll be posting everything that I'm doing on there instead of bothering the crap out of all of my relatives and Facebook friends.

Also the offer is still out: If anyone would like to take over the logos and art design crap for the site and stream, you are 100% welcome to it. I wouldn't really be able to pay you, but I'm sure we could figure something out. Ads? Free game(s)? A nice poem? Something.

Also, I just read that Google is acquiring Twitch for over a billion dollars! Holy crap! I hope this is a good thing.

Humble Bundle Acquisions: Bit.Trip Presents: Runner 2: Legend of Future Rhythm Alien

Bit.Trip Presents: Runner 2: Legend of Future Rhythm Alien might be the game with the longest title that I've played for Humble Bundle Acquisitions. I wish I could say that it could win more awards than that, but overall I thought it was fairly boring.

You play as Commander Video, or one of his compatriots, as you run, dash, jump, kick, cannon, and bounce across long stretches of platforms for the purpose of...gold bricks? Is that it? I'm not sure if that's the real reason or not. The only thing that I got out of the story is that we had been teleported to another dimension!!! Therefore we must run. A lot. Whatever.

It's a fun enough game. The visuals are very pretty but not distracting (except for a giant purple dome thing that looks a little pervy). The running and jumping were...fine. Maybe if endless runners are YOUR thing this is a great catch, but overall I was just kind of bored after the first 15 minutes. I enjoyed games like Ski Safari and the classic Jetpack Joyride much more. Granted, this game is not an "endless" runner, but a runner of stages. Which didn't really do it for me. Maybe it was seeing Meat Boy in the intro video, but I just felt like nothing about this game was very exciting. I never felt like it drew me in at any time. I think that more meaningful short-term goals would have helped (like in endless runners) to give the player more of a sense of why we run so constantly.

Maybe running should be its own reward, but in this case running felt like how it always feels now that I've gotten fat: Work.

See play through below!

Humble Bundle Acquisitions: FTL: Faster Than Light

FTL: Faster Than Light, is so good you should stop reading and go play it right now. It's simply a brilliant, addicting, and beautiful game. Events are heavy on RNG, so no playthrough is the same and there's no predicting what challenge you'll have next. GO PLAY IT!

See the show below!

Humble Bundle Acquisitions: The Lord of the Rings Online

If you're not already super burnt out on WoW, or maybe just looking for a little free MMO time, Lord of the Rings Online, or "Lotro", is a solid game that is worth your attention. 

See the show below!

Humble Bundle Acquisitions: Monaco

Trying to play some catchup with a new schedule. Monaco wasn't very fun at all for me. It looks like it's best played with a group of 4 that are either in the same room or on Skype. That would have been way more fun. Also, the game doesn't even bother teaching you how to play. Boo.

See terrible playthrough below!

Humble Bundle Acquisitions: Surgeon Simulator 2013

I went into this game expecting one thing and getting something a lot weirder.

Firstly, there was a lot less blood than I expected. Actually, for the most part, this game is more or less bloodless which is especially surprising when you consider that "Blood Loss" is a key losing mechanic in this game. Sure, you get little blood spots on your hands and arms during a procedure, but as far as drops, puddles, pools, squirts, or sprays of blood, I was surprised by their complete absence. It was a good surprise.

The surprise that I didn't like was just how obscene the entire game felt at all times. Ripping out a person's lungs with my bare hands does not feel good, even when I know it's fake. It just felt very wrong, like I was desecrating something sacred. I've been a gamer all my life, so I've done some terrible things in the name of high scores and victory screens, but this was one of the actions I have felt least comfortable with. The somewhat cartoony visuals made it feel even more bizarre, and I can't decide if more realism would have been an improvement or not.

And the controls! My heavens the controls!!! They were simply terrible, and more or less seemed to be so intentionally. For me, that does not add a layer of complexity or mystery or anything else; it's just irritating. It made the game feel like you were playing Operation (which I imagine was point), except there's someone sitting behind and purposely constricting your movement the entire time. Eventually, you would want to punch that person in the face. While playing Surgeon Simulator 2013, there is no face you can punch, it's your own face, constantly slamming into a wall of terrible controls until you either win or lose, occasionally at random.

All in all, I'd put this game at a solid "Try it." I have no intention of ever playing it again, but it was a pretty fun time for a little while. Even better, I'd say to play it with a couple of friends, so there's someone to enjoy the antics with (just like the original Operation! :O).